I always dreamed of having children. I never dreamed of becoming a mom. I suppose it’s a matter of perspective or semantics. But for these past 10 months that I’ve been raising my daughter, I still don’t feel like a mom. Whatever that means.

During one of my frequent long walks around the Silverlake Reservoir (long because of swollen feet and huge belly) I saw a mother, perfectly put together with black sunglasses, straightened hair, super cute yoga gear, pushing a stroller with one hand and walking her dog with the other. She bumped into some friends. They laughed. They oogled at baby. They made small talk. I imagined it was about play dates and school picnics. The whole scene seemed so effortless. I was a few yards behind, and thank god I was wearing sunglasses too, because I started to cry. Fuck pregnancy hormones, I thought. How embarrassing. But my tears didn't stem from all that progesterone or estrogen. I realized that this right here had always been my dream and it was about to come true.